@tigersgoroooar: if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase "damn they gotta get him the ball." everyone will agree
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@MissHavisham: 7: You sent me in without crazy socks today. Me: I sent you in with the backwards shirt. 7: But it was Wacky Hair Day! Me: CAN’T YOU KIDS JUST GO TO SCHOOL
@iwearaonesie: [movie] *guy hugs woman from behind while she cuts vegetables* wife: Aww me*does same thing* wife:ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME LOSE A FINGER?!
@roxiqt: There is no casual way to ask someone to move in with you. It's a very big step in any relationship. It takes careful planning & excellent timing to figure out how to approach that conversation. That said, it's not impossible to lure a raccoon into your home. In this essay,
@Cheeseboy22: I think the reason giraffes don't ride in hot air balloons is that their faces would probably get fried off in that flame thing.