@tigersgoroooar: if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase "damn they gotta get him the ball." everyone will agree
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@ghostkrogh: [pearly gates] st peter: welcome everybody- *i run up and slam dunk an imaginary ball thru his halo and then hang on it like it's the rim*
@Andee_Stewart: I always close the door to the bathroom even if I'm home alone. What if someone broke in and saw me peeing? That would be so embarrassing
@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole.
@JohnHilsen: OK it's like sure, I've MURDERED before. Big deal. Sue me. It's not like I'm a MURDERER or anything. I only do it socially.