@QwertyJones3: If you're in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
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@UnderTheJewFro: I was starving earlier so I opened up a beanbag chair. There were no beans, only styrofoam. Im furious, Im hungry and I have nowhere to sit.
@DanielAda1960: Napkins used after eating hot wings and then put in your pocket should NEVER be used as toilet paper no matter how much you've had to drink.
@matt_travelling: Two things Twitter cultivates and encourages: 1. instant gratification 2. sense of impatient entitlement 3. misunderstanding of basic math
@rocknthepurple: I'm getting to the age where I could be a cougar, but Wikipedia says cougars are "slender and agile" which pretty much rules that out.