@CornOnTheGoblin: if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter well then I've got some news for you
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@SoVeryBritish: Having to hide your euphoria when a friend says "I'm going to have to cancel tonight"
@Book_Krazy: Him: What? You said I could tie you up and do anything I want. Me: WELL WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? Him: Fishing
@just1fool: Coworker:I'll take care if it. *Translation* You're gonna take care of it. You just don't know it yet.
@Try2StopME: Friend: "Dude, me & my girlfriend are getting married." ME: "Wow! when?" Friend: "Me on 27th April and she on 14th June."
@adult_mom: I turned off the TV today and made my kids play board games like it was 1955 and now I know why all of our grandparents were alcoholics
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