@TeflonPawn: If you're looking for someone to mute the National Geographics channel and narrate the animals thoughts, look no further.
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@MouthOfSass: Pretty sure the neighbors are impressed with the banging and screaming they heard. Little do they know it was just me chasing a spider.
@VeryLonelyLuke: Only 2 kids made it out of my Jedi class. One killed the padawans. The other was abandoned in the desert I'm dreading that class reunion.
@UncleDuke1969: [furniture store] Wife: We're putting in a bar. Salesman: OK Wife: And... S: Yes? W: Go ahead, say it. Me: WE'RE GONNA NEED A STOOL SAMPLE.