@just1fool: If you're looking for someone to tell you what to do in the bedroom I'm pretty good at instructing on how to install window blinds.
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@SeptapusDenny: CNN writer: how's this - my phone is missing. CNN exec: meh Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode! *CNN exec absolutely loses it*
@TheMichaelRock: Foreigner: I wanna know what love is.. Me: It's a feeling you get when.. Foreigner: I want you to show me.. Me: Ok, like wow. We just met
@LeviathanPride: Overheard this locker room convo: "The new school janitor is weird. He's always hiding in here when we're showering". I took my mop and left
@Miltgen: *Job interview* "Im gonna need you to pee in this cup" *hands boss full cup* "Let's start the interview" *boss just sips it the whole time*