@AndyRichter: If you're not carrying around matchbooks from places you've been recently I don't know why you don't want your murder to be solved
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@david8hughes: [police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a grey Me: ... My dog: like a light grey. If that helps
@QwertyJones3: "Mr. Trump how will you beat Hillary Clinton?" TRUMP: I'll win NY, Florida, Ohio, we're going to add states, Gerzona, Timbaland, Waterworld
@markleggett: ACTORS: It's easy to appear blind. Look near but never at someone when you talk to them, and if anyone says "Did you see that?" say "Nope".