@AndyRichter: If you're not carrying around matchbooks from places you've been recently I don't know why you don't want your murder to be solved
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@FlyoverJoel: Eye of the Tiger came on the radio and I got so excited the macaroni salad I was making is all over the walls and the cat has a black eye.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?
@Sassafrantz: [Ghost Hunters] This ghost is a male, probably in his 40's -how'd u figure that out? He went bat shit crazy when we turned the thermostat up