@FilthyRichmond: If you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass?
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Did you use my highlighter? 2-year-old: Me: 2: Me: 2: No. Apparently she’s always been neon yellow.
@Maxine12339: Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
@KeetRidley: "Hey, your fly's down" Oh shit.. *pets fly's head* you'll be alright little buddy, chin up.. we'll get you some new wings