@Spaced_Cowboy00: If you're not sure how to spell a word, there are thousands of English professors on Twitter who will correct you.
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@Beerhaze: Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one.
@SkinnerSteven: HIPSTER COP: *into radio* "We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"
@SteveDutzy: Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho
@Tups13: Would the Government cope in a zombie apocalypse? Vacant, horrible, disoriented people stumbling around without purpose. Plus the zombies.