@Spaced_Cowboy00: If you're not sure how to spell a word, there are thousands of English professors on Twitter who will correct you.
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@Vodkantots: Get your therapist to start taking you seriously by pulling a donut out of your purse.
@MarfSalvador: me: thanks for letting me work from home boss: *turns off shower* I meant your home
@TriciaLockwood: jason: may I tell u something? me: anything baby. jason: for the last year whenever u get drunk u start to make Pig Noises, u do it with a challenging look in ur eye, if I ask u about the Pig Noises u get offended and run away to the next room where u continue to oink softly
@leechee420: Friend asks me to be her maid of honor: M-What do I have to do? F-Well I know you, so I'm expecting very little. Mission accomplished.