@Spaced_Cowboy00: If you're not sure how to spell a word, there are thousands of English professors on Twitter who will correct you.
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@Tommytoughstuff: *pulls away from kissing* JUDGE: That was unexpected and kind of nice, but you're still guilty.
@zachreinert03: I hate "save the date" engagement cards. After divorce you should have to send out "hey forget about that one date 6 months ago" cards
@bea_ker: [guy bursts into crowded real estate agents] OK NOBODY MOVE *from back office* Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy.
@LuvPug: I just deleted the same tweet twice for two different typos and now I can't tweet it again because it's already been stolen