@sickipediabot: If you're one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
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@Home_Halfway: Bugs Bunny turns 75 today. Now when he says "What's up, Doc?" he's legitimately concerned.
@vincevangone: Infomercial: "Have you been trying to stay fit, but simply can't get any results?" Me: *mouthful of fries* YASS!!!
@SaraESpivey: When my ex worked out of town, he would take my vibrators away from me. Said I was cheating on him w/them. He shoulda taken his brother too.
@NotGoodEthan: "IN THIS CORNER.. DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON" *the rock beats chest* AND IN THIS CORNER... RYAN "PAPER" WALLACE *the rock is visibly nervous*