@sickipediabot: If you're one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
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@anylaurie16: 7 yo son asked how Grandpa got lung cancer. I said, "Well, he quit a long time ago, but for many many years, Grandpa played Minecraft."
@AristotlesNZ: Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: "I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp" vs "I cashier at KFC"
@eric10F: "will you be paying with cash or credit?" "Cash" *start playing "ring of fire" on my kazoo *gets tackled by security*
@lecalabara: You catch more flies with honey, even more with a dead body and way more with honey on a dead body.