@bridger_w: If you're pulled over, wait for the cop to lean down to your window, then use their vulnerability to give them a quick peck on the cheek
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@rickolantern: Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you'll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts.
@UncleDuke1969: [office] Me: Happy Black Friday! Latisha: … Me: I made a cake! Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: It’s chocolate.
@drubicabra: Just witnessed a white girl take a selfie with her coffee in Starbucks. I always heard the legends but never thought I'd see it in the wild.
@causticbob: To tell the difference between African and Indian elephants you have to look at their ears. You lift one up and shout "Where are you from?"