@bridger_w: If you're pulled over, wait for the cop to lean down to your window, then use their vulnerability to give them a quick peck on the cheek
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@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend doesn't like when I give our neighbors nicknames like, "Beard Man" "Jolly Girl" and "the one I slept with in 2009."
@patnspankme: Great way to make friends is to pee in the same urinal someone else is already using.
@Ghetto_Trophy: When I'm feeling inadequate, I remember that there are women who marry their prison pen pals, and then my own decisions don't seem so bad.
@OneFunnyMummy: The fastest way to get your kids to shut up is to ask them a question you want answered.