@slyoung5: If you're starved for time, eat a watch.
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@runningmascara6: I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole..
@ClichedOut: Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? Me: The company moved. I: Where? M: They didn't tell me.
@JVarsityCaptain: Ladies, wonder if he's busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
@knot_eye: I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.