@Ennui_Raver: If you're such a powerful warlock, why do you have diabetes.
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@TheMichaelRock: A coworker wouldn't stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
@daemonic3: Dr: You have palpitations Me: You mean my heartbeat's off? Dr: Hearts can't beat off HAHAHAHA Me: HAHAHAHAHA- [goes into cardiac arrest]
@LosLos__: HR: You said: You're "moist" welcome? Me: Autocorrect. HR: You're fine. Me: Sweet! HR: I meant: you're fired. Autocorrect.
@bridger_w: Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you're doing it?