@Lisa_Laughs_: If you're wearing Superman undies, but she's a Batman kinda girl, you might as well put your clothes back on.
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@Tmoney68: "Can I get a do-over?" - Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life....
@Mr_Kapowski: Hispanic magician: "I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos" *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres
@Brampersandon_: [meeting a girl at the bar] ME (nervously cracking every knuckle): hi I'm brandon GIRL: please let go of my hands
@JessObsess: [drunk text] God I miss you so much. Why can't we go back to how things were? OBAMA: How did you get this number?