@lazerdoov: If you're wondering if humans are idiots we hunt ducks with guns when they will walk right up to you if you have bread
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@ReginaldDennys: Based on the number of nurses on twitter, I now know why I'm bleeding to death in the ER.
@Rollmaninoz: [pet store] Um hi can I have 4 turtles & 1 rat Clerk: hah trying to make ur own ninja turtles dude Me:*hiding miniature sai and katana* n no
@NolaChef504: "You take pills because you're crazy" "No MOM, I take pills because they make me tolerant of crazy people that don't take pills"