@Cheeseboy22: If you're wondering what all these scratches on my chest are from, it's because my cat hates to get in the hot tub with me.
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@DocBrown21: My next tattoo will be "helvetica" written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her
@djdarrellripley: I should have seen this breakup coming.... The nicest thing she ever said to me was, "Oh wow, that car almost hit you.”
@stephenjmolloy: Devil worshipper leader: "Due to a typo we have summoned the wrong demon." Stan: "Hey there."
@Holy_Mowgli: FLIGHT ATTENDANT: is there a doctor on board ME: *standing up to get skittles from the overhead bin but now everyone is staring at me* yes i'm a doctor