@CackleClub: If you've been kind to nature, birds will rescue you through your sunroof in a traffic jam and fly you to their kingdom
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@DebraMuffin: The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can.
@birbigs: New slogan for cats: "Ever go to the zoo and want to snuggle a tiger but don't want to die? Cats."
@Swishergirl24: My husband picks fights with me like he doesn't even value half of all his assets.
@KarenKilgariff: My sister teaches 1st grade. A boy in her class had a tantrum and screamed "I hate you!" and she gently replied "I know. It doesn't matter."