@Weird_Rash: If you’ve ever accidentally stepped on a cat’s tail, you’ve seen my wife’s sex face.
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@markydoodoo: Ever try spreading really cold butter on toast? I'm like the human version of that.
@joeljeffrey: My wife and did it twice yesterday and we didn't use any protection... I'm worried we might have twins.
@Fred_Delicious: **You're through to 911, dial 1 for human cops, dial 2 for lobster cops** [smashes 2 frantically while crayfish tries to break down my door]
@Jason_Horton: People are so fake how can you love your newborn baby when you met it like 2 minutes ago and don't know anything about it