@Weird_Rash: If you’ve ever accidentally stepped on a cat’s tail, you’ve seen my wife’s sex face.
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@Book_Krazy: Mom, I'm glad April Fools is on a wkend. Kids at school are jerks Me:*Hiding a plate of waffles drenched in olive oil* yeah people are mean
@concretesledge_: The tag on this hot tub reads "6 man" when I clearly ordered a 1 man 5 woman hot tub. This one is going back!
@SteveDutzy: Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.
@novicefather: I remember back when I had to charge my Nokia 8210 once every 96 days. My iPhone lost 4% just typing this tweet.