@Weird_Rash: If you’ve ever accidentally stepped on a cat’s tail, you’ve seen my wife’s sex face.
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@baseballchickie: Friend: You're Catholic? Me: Yes F: And you eat meat on Fridays? M: I can guarantee if I'm going to hell it's not for eating meat on Fridays
@dreadnaught69: She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home
@Alex_N_Chains: "After he ate the shrooms, Mario ate flowers and pretended he could shoot fireballs out of his hands." - Princess Peach, at Couples Therapy
@HireMeImFunny: Rededicate Christopher Columbus statues to the Chris Columbus who directed Mrs. Doubtfire