@Smooheed: If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler
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@juliussharpe: I don't have a problem with steroids in sports since I think anyone who can give themselves a shot is the bravest person in the world.
@thejessbess: This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls.
@DaddyNick: Block the toddler from the kitchen while I sweep left, handoff the baby, pass you a bottle and take a shower. On 2. Go! Football parenting
@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".