@maughammom: If you've had a lightsaber pointed at you while you were on the toilet you may be a parent ...or your life is way more interesting than mine
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@shamans_heal: Pro Tip: If you leave an assortment of tissues, cold medicine, and a big bag of cough drops visible on your desk, coworkers will avoid you!
@Cpin42: When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang.
@my_minivan_life: Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent. I would have to say it’s the kids.
@TheIronSherk: The best part of a handshake is the knuckles. I dunno why, but the blender just brings out their richness and flavour