@LostFelicia: If you've never gotten stuck in a dress you tried on over your clothes in the middle of a clothing store, then you're not me.
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@canadian_makin: Me: hello I've run out of toilet paper Front desk: oh I'm sorry for the inconvenience Me: oh no worries, but I've also run out of towels
@wittwitbarista: Lose something? Need help? Call 1-800-MOM & a team of moms will be deployed to you to ask you "Well, did you look?"Or "did you look-look?"
@BuckyIsotope: A group of wild dads just ran into my back yard, built a shed, filled it with tools and told me not to touch any of them or I'd be grounded.
@_RealBlondeGirl: I hate it when candidates put signs on your lawn without even asking your permission. Who the hell is 'Foreclosure'?