@Steelers1972: If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a Costco membership
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@withanewname: "SIRI, WHERE'S THE REMOTE?" -- "SIRI, BRING ME A BEER!" -- "SIRI, WHERE'S MY DINNER?" -- Wife: "She's either deaf, or had sex with you too."
@TheTweetOfGod: Paris is suing Fox News for repeatedly insulting it. Also suing them for the same reason: your intelligence.
@ShittyComedian: My drug of choice is laughter....and cocaine. Mostly cocaine. Sometimes angel dust. Molly is cool too. RT if you love Jesus.
@UncleDuke1969: [loud bar] Her: I have to urinate Me: What? H: Urinate M: What? H: URINATE! M: Well, YOU'RE a 10! H: Huh? No! You're like a 5. I gotta pee.