@Steelers1972: If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a Costco membership
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@awildhope: On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"
@PortRooster: On phone: GF: We're breaking up... Me: I can hear you fine! GF: It's not you, it's me... Me: Did you get a new provider? GF: Kinda... Bye!
@KeetPotato: [me and some other dude wearing the same shirt at a party] me: "how did we both fit in this lmao"