@Steelers1972: If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a Costco membership
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@iwearaonesie: my wife's friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he's having a hard time even looking at me
@Robinbuble: Carpenter ants are bullshit, I left a whole box of ikea furniture here, all they did was carry off my watermelon and steal a picnic basket
@heatherlou_: "IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!!" I yell at the guy next to me at the red light while tweezing stray hairs from my chin.
@Moldy_Jellybean: I haven't had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario.