@alucardsdream: If zombies ever do attack, I'll just skip coffee that morning. They'll leave me alone because they'll think I'm one of them.
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@timdonakowski: Pee your name in the snow and you'll quickly understand why they teach cursive in our schools.
@iamspacegirl: if squids were land animals sometimes you'd be walking along and you'd look up and BAM squid in a tree
@FilthyRichmond: My kids are mad at me because I never unwrap the cheese slices in their sandwiches