@LuvPug: If Zombies ever switch to eating souls, I'll have the last laugh on everyone whoever made fun of me for being a Ginger
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@TheToddWilliams: [Beatles recording session] Ringo: ♫I'd like to be John: Nice beat R: ♫Under the sea Paul: Oh exotic R: ♫In an octopus's garden George: WTF?
@JasonLastname: Who'd win if Batman fought Santa? Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.
@UncleBob56: Nurse: What happened to your FINGERS? Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast? N: Yes? M: I can't do that.
@hashtag_stacks: I always watch The Shining with family around Christmas time to remind them what happens if we spend too much time together.