@bigmacher: #IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them.
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@bransonreese: Hate it when I'm fighting a guy and we create a cloud of dust and then he casually steps out and it's just me in there.
@speevis: Back from my bike ride and I feel fit as a fiddle ... the fiddle, ya know, that most athletic of instruments...
@PunLovinLad: The inventor of inappropriate innuendo has died His family are taking it really hard
@BlotterMonkey: Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.