@bigmacher: #IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them.
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@TeaPainUSA: Mike Huckabee calls Obama a "pretend Christian", and if anyone's an expert on "pretend Christians", it's Mike Huckabee.
@michaelianblack: Before we hang out, please be advised I will be spending the rest of the summer talking like Bane.
@iwearaonesie: cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 the look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless
@Mr_Kapowski: I like to ask people what their sign is and then read them a completely different sign's horoscope just to hear them say "that's so me!"