@kwirkyKerri: I'll agree to almost anything if you set a cupcake in front of me. I won't be listening. Because...cupcake.
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@Sarcasticsapien: I'm not saying I'm antisocial, but even when someone asks me how I'm doing I just tell them to Google it.
@PimpBillClinton: Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
@Darlainky: My single friends are always talking about clubbing and being hit on. Today's social scene sounds so violent.
@Mr_Kapowski: "Will you marry me?" "The cookie was poison" "The lotto numbers will never win" Examples of why I got fired from writing fortune cookies