@KayRants: I'll apologize for last night right after you tell me which parts you still remember.
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@ACall55: Plot twist: maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet. Maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnut.
@Robert_Beau: Me: 911? My wife and I have been in an accident and she hit the windshield! 911: How's her head? Me: Her sister's better.
@whatmaddness: Me, in my *best* Sean Connery voice: Would you like that shaken or stirred? My friend, horrified: Maddie, please just give me my baby back.
@hippieswordfish: COP: put ur hands in the air ME: ok C: now flip them over M: k? C: now cross them M: what C: put them behind ur head M: why- C: hey macarena