@fro_vo: "i'll be back"
--arnold schwarzenegger getting into a 2-man horse costume
@seandunn76: "Oh boy, what a day of having sex with real women," I yell too loud while passing my microwave.
@rolldiggity: Why crush your kid's imagination by telling them the Tooth Fairy "doesn't exist" when you can just have her leave a suicide note?
@jergarl: Me: I love you with my hole heart.
Wife: Wrong hole.
@robdelaney: My plane has an entire high school wrestling team on it, so I imagine we'll crash in a forest & I'll become their King.
@SexySpainNights: Dear neighbor who mows his yard early in the morning tomorrow,
I found my bagpipes for tonight.