@hasht4g: I'll be buried in a spring-loaded coffin stuffed w/ tons of confetti. In the future some archeologist is gonna have an awesome day at work.
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@MissNaughty1801: Him: you are correcting my every word for the last six years of our marriage Me: for the last 7 years
@WilliamRodgers: If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
@protolalia: I only date men who have cats because they've been pre-trained to try and figure out what you want if you just stare at them long enough.
@Dani_Feld: I just took out a spider so big that, moments after, the postman rang the doorbell and I thought it was the spider.