@badbanana: I'll be celebrating my birthday the traditional way, by barging naked into a room full of strangers and crying.
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@pixelatedboat: "Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world
@rajaet: There's only one kind of people in this world 1. who are good at maths 2. who aren't 3. whose dog can come up with a better tweet than this.
@MartaEffing: My date thinks he's gonna get me drunk, & then get in my pants. The joke is on him, coz my tolerance is sky high & I'm wearing a skirt.
@007Pepe_Rex: A guy gets hit on the head by a falling soda can. But he's allright. Guess he was lucky *puts on sunglasses* It was a soft drink #FFFC