@badbanana: I'll be celebrating my birthday the traditional way, by barging naked into a room full of strangers and crying.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dorsalstream: [uncovering pottery shards on an archaeological dig] Wow, people sure were clumsy a long time ago.
@TheRolo: I just spilled my last beer while reaching over to hit "ignore caller" on my phone. Why do bad things happen to good people?
@Cyd10e: My brother never donates blood because he hates the thought that his blood is having more fun in somebody else than it ever did in him.
@Ixwie: Ever show ur mum a tweet that u find funny and instead of laughing she just asks 'who's that?' Like I don't know but that's not the point