@badbanana: I'll be celebrating my birthday the traditional way, by barging naked into a room full of strangers and crying.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Writethatdown12: I bet the worst thing about being abducted is the whole country knows your real weight.
@zwina_summer: My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn't enough time.
@david8hughes: Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead
@neiltyson: What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight