@badbanana: I'll be celebrating my birthday the traditional way, by barging naked into a room full of strangers and crying.
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@myles_morrison: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I said "Hell no. I don't want to have to spend my weekends bothering people at home."
@Sickayduh: "Happy birthday! " - Oh wow! A necklace! I love- wait... Did you get me a fake diamond? "Well, it's not really your 29th birthday either"
@VodkaShorebird: Just think, there is coming an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"