@Cheeseboy22: I'll be signing copies of my tweets this Friday at Barnes & Noble in Salt Lake City! Just meet me by the bathrooms at 5:30 & bring a pen.
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@EndhooS: Gunman: Put ur hands in the air. Now wave them like you just don't care. YOU STILL CARE [shoves gun in guys mouth] SHOW SOME UTTER DISREGARD
@wineoclock39: Sometimes I shock myself with smart things I say. Other times, I struggle to get out of my car with the seatbelt on.
@Brentweets: "In case of emergency break glass" Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can't even open a Cheetos bag.