@vikkaroni: I'll bet Timmy would never have fallen down that well if his parents would've coughed up the money for a HUMAN instead of a dog babysitter.
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@Owl_Meat: [In a cucumber submarine] 1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle
@JimmySelfDest: Fight club. Only naps instead. Rules the same. Just no fights. Only secret, uninterrupted glorious naps.
@dreamthievin: Everything I know about sex I learned from Tetris: rotate it and hope it fits in another slot
@LosLos__: And then God said: Let women have infallible memory. But technology said: And screenshots, just in casies.