@Sarcasmo718: I'll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?
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@WorkaholicBlake: There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable
@SortaBad: Babies are like Starbucks because they're expensive as shit and yet you still forget them on the roof of your car
@Ygrene: [On the phone with the police for the 7th time in 2 weeks] "Sir, again, we cannot arrest your cat"
@NoogsCorner: Am I annoying yet? How about now? Now? Now? Now? How about now? Now? Now? Now? Maybe now? Now? Now? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow?