@Sarcasmo718: I'll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?
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@Jessdaisy: I'm "the cord popped out of the phone cause I tried to stretch it from the kitchen to my room" years old
@joejwest: [on date] ME: I like my women like I like my wine WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink? ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please
@seamussaid: I bring my own pen into the bank because I don't need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write
@kentgrossarth: Boss: Is that beer? You're not supposed to drink at work! Me: You're not supposed to cheat on your wife. Boss: You're doing a great job.