@DamienFahey: I'll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I'm eating on Instagram.
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@FunkyFresh_79: [Star Wars Episode VII scene] Princess Leia: I love you Han. Han Solo: *favs but doesn't reply*
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: Can the baby come out to play? Pregnant wife: No, honey. She's not ready yet. 3-year-old: Wife: 3-year-old: Babies are lazy.
@thenatewolf: *A coyote bites my leg in front of a girl I like but I wanna seem cool so I just keep walking and take it with me*