@Hobo_Splendido: I'll do unspeakable things to you, baby, like vqtkjx and zqkpmr.
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@RobElliottComic: When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON" *Puts on dragon costume *Waits in bushes
@Bearslietoo: A fun thing to do is to tell a complete stranger that you met your boyfriend on Twitter and then show them a cat.
@joejwest: "murder" she wrote "your password must contain at least one number and one upper case letter" the screen said "murd3R" she wrote, frowning
@DirtMcTurd: My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing