@Hobo_Splendido: I'll do unspeakable things to you, baby, like vqtkjx and zqkpmr.
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@patnspankme: The coolest feature of being over age 40 is now when I get a pimple it only takes 14 months to go away.
@i_wasnt_looking: I can't stand fake people. Unless you're with me and we are faking that we are sober for a cop. Then you need to be Oscar winning fake.
@badbanana: Most unrealistic scene in Pacific Rim? Hundreds take shelter in a bunker during a monster attack. Not one person is tweeting.
@MarfSalvador: [My band playing on stage] New GF’s friend: Which one is the boy you’ve been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died