@Sassafrantz: I'll do your taxes for free if you tell my mom we're dating.
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@Stellacopter: If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard.
@WilliamRodgers: Me: Happy Easter! Taylor Swift: I hate Easter! It's all a lie! Me: The Jesus thing? Taylor Swift: Ya... Men don't come back after 3 Days!
@TheHyyyype: [about to go in for emergency surgery] ME: *slips surgeon a $20* what if you were to give me wings like a giant bird?