@gato_fumando: i'll have a burg please [waiter looks confused] a burg. a meat frisbee. a seared bovine disc. a hamburger sandwich. a bunned beefling my man
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@ScottLinnen: Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are.
@mrtruthandsoul: Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
@sucittaM: Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.