@gato_fumando: i'll have a burg please [waiter looks confused] a burg. a meat frisbee. a seared bovine disc. a hamburger sandwich. a bunned beefling my man
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@robfee: How to make the World Cup more exciting: Refs are on stilts The ball screams when kicked Kissing is legal 1 player gets to use a car Snakes
@SmurfetteDE: Hey people - learn to spell!!! I mean my co-workers. Twitter, you guys actually do pretty well, considering half of you are probably drunk.
@jjhartinger: I went to the Gym and the power went out. I whispered, "thank you baby jesus" and left.
@OreoSpeedwagon_: After seeing a commercial for Toddlers In Tiaras, I realise Darth Vader wasn't the worst parent ever.