@Shot_Of_Cabo: I'll never call a radio station because I'm afraid they'll give me tickets to go somewhere and do something.
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@FattMernandez: I hope Prince Harry and Emma Watson last because if they have a son, it will be the half-blood prince.
@LeBearGirdle: Lawyer: so tell me, why was my client's mouth bleeding? Dentist: he doesn't floss Me: You hit me! D: [puts lips on mic] bc you don't floss
@Andee_Stewart: Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot
@vikkaroni: You're never too old to throw random shit in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.