@pleatedjeans: I'll never forget my 8th grade teacher. She was a 12-foot snake monster. Had 4 heads. Ate 7 desks. Killed a kid. Really made an impression.
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@notalogin: How would you describe your past work? [Cut to me picking up coins off sidewalks and taking them to CoinStar] -Change management.
@WilliamRodgers: Robin: Gee Bruce, how come you get to wear dark concealing colors and I have to wear bright Red, Yellow and Green? Batman: You're the decoy
@SteveSuckington: [high school reunion] "Hey aren't u the kid who used to lie and throw people under the bus all the time?" No that was Tyler.
@TheJamieLee: My Starbucks guy just said, "Looks like you had a rough night!" ...I didn't even go out.