@DBStoner: I'll never get picked for jury duty because I'd be the one on trial.....
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@OkieGirl405: I changed my relationship status to "I'm sharpening my knives" on Facebook so my boyfriend's family will never come visit
@LoneWolfStories: Sometimes I like to surprise my neighbours by smiling and waving back at them.
@XplodingUnicorn: [out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It's not one of ours. [we fist bump]
@lildandeli0n: I'm pretty sure Kanye West is the reason why we arent allowed to retweet our own tweets.