@caliluvgirl77: I'll never rob a store because I don't want to see the police guess my weight on a wanted poster.
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@wendchymes: It might be time to diet when you ask Siri to call your " boyfriend" and she dial's up Domino's pizza
@AddledPixie: I just want to be important enough that someone unexpectedly puts a cup of coffee in my hand, which I gratefully accept with only a nod.
@Brampersandon_: [bald eagles exchanging gifts] *holds out gift* You didn't get me a toupee again, did you? -Uhh... *slowly pulls gift back*