@caliluvgirl77: I'll never rob a store because I don't want to see the police guess my weight on a wanted poster.
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@donjuantip: ALCOHOL. Because no one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
@KeetPotato: me: [letting dog lick my face] wife: that's disgusting me: [squirting shampoo into my hand] you're the one who used all the hot water linda
@jonnysun: ME: my ideal first date? well to me it dosent matter wat we do as long as we share a conection JOB INTERVIEWER: i meant how soon can u start