@caliluvgirl77: I'll never rob a store because I don't want to see the police guess my weight on a wanted poster.
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@ericsshadow: It's funny how Gina who cheated on me in 9th grade because I was "too much of a prude" is now a Catholic school teacher.
@NoticablyBacon: Its a little cheesy but holding up a boom box outside her window and blasting the song "Cotton Eye Joe" will win her back everytime
@Jeff_G_Nixon: GOD: look what I created [points to clouds] ANGEL: what am I lookin at? GOD: Is it a bunny? A man face? It's up to you! ANGEL: are you high?
@withanewname: [shopping] [wife being a real pain] Me: *hands her the broom we just bought* You want me to carry this? Or do you want to drive it home?