@Just__J0: "I'll never understand why people can't sleep with a closet door open" I say while making sure my feet don't hang over the side of the bed.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Women would be better serial killers if they didn't smile when people mention someone's been missing
@chemical_scum: One man has two TCs, an ex with a troll account & a girlfriend who knows his passcode. How long does this man have to live? Show your work.
@Sassafrantz: Me: [opens front facing camera at a funeral and starts crying] "he must've meant a lot to her."
@Book_Krazy: 9: Mom, why are all those girls standing on their tiptoes? Me: Because they're ballet dancers 9: Why didn't they just get taller girls?