@Cheeseboy22: I'll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn't just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.
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@trojansauce: daniel radcliffe's family were just known as the cliffe's until his great grandfather invented the kick flip
@itshotterhere: 9 y/o daughter: dad, what's your favourite healthy food? Me: fruits. Your's? 9: Eggs Me: Good 9: like Reese's peanut butter eggs
@robfee: Mitt Romney announcing he’s not running for president is like Johnny Depp announcing there won’t be a sequel to Mortdecai.
@BromanConsul: "Is your refrigerator running?" "Hasn't decided yet," I say, winking at my refrigerator & hanging up. A "FRIDGE 2016" banner hangs above him