@Tmoney68: I'll never understand women. A species that loathes you for asking their age, but tortures you forever if you forget their birthday.
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@TheAlexNevil: *looks at fish tank 6: It's part cat and part fish? Me: No it's just a fish *Catfish maintains eye contact while pushing over treasure chest
@jonathantony: Age 20: "You free for lunch?" "Yeah, meet you there now." Age 30: "You free for lunch?" "Yes, let's schedule it in for 3 weeks from now."
@daemonic3: [graduation] ...and I owe it all to my mom, and my late dad *sheds tear* [crowd cries] *dad walks in holding starbucks* "traffic, my bad"