@TheAlexP: I'll put a comma, after a comma, even if it doesn't need a comma, to completely, drive you, insane.
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@3sunzzz: My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
@skullpuppy11: Just like Hitler with the tiny mustache, Kim Jong-Un is ruining that haircut for everyone else.
@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes I'll stop the treadmill at the gym and run in place. When people ask me what I'm doing, I'll say, "Pretend stoplight."
@Matt_the_1st: 911,What's your emergency? Me: I think it's a heart attack 911: Can you call back when you're sure, we're watching Walking Dead