@thefurlinator: "I'll see you in hell" should be followed with "and I won't even stop to say hi". Otherwise you're just making plans with someone you hate
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@T_N_Crumpets: [Supermarket] Me: QUICK, WHERE IS YOUR FROZEN SECTION Assistant: Aisle 7 Me: GREAT [opens trench coat and 6 penguins fall out] let's go guys
@LetsGet9ined: Man: a pack of condoms please. Cashier: would you like a paper bag? Man: no thanks, she's pretty good looking.
@thenoahkinsey: When someone at the gym asks if I'm "using that equipment", I say "No, my love for it is real." To date, I'm the only one to find that funny