@superdadatron: I'll stab someone if they hurt my kids. Or touch my nachos.
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@electrolemon: scarlet joe hanson sounds like an old timey boxer's name. "weighin' in at 182 lbs, 5'9", the ol' black widow, scarlet jooooooe hansen!"
@VeganZebra: [Barber gets out a small mirror to show an owl the back of its head] Owl: No I got it *rotates* Owl: Wait where'd it- *rotates* Owl: Ok help
@ValeeGrrl: 6yo lured girls to our beach umbrella by shaking a bag of Cheetos at them & it worked so guys, feel free to steal his fool-proof method.
@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.