@TheMichaelRock: I'll stop calling you a racist if you stop bragging about all the marathons you run.
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@Easy_Tiger__: I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood.
@stevemarriott: Fun fact: if you play Hotel California backwards, and slowed down 30bpm, there's a fantastic hidden quiche recipe
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "I'm tired of you endlessly misquoting Arnold Schwarzenegger films. I'm leaving you." Me: "You'll be back."