@TheMichaelRock: I'll stop calling you a racist if you stop bragging about all the marathons you run.
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@ThRealBallsDeep: <at first day of t-ball practice> Me:What's the first rule here, boys? Kid:Don't poop your pants? M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.
@TheToddWilliams: WIFE: What’re you doing in the garage? ME: I made a cloning machine. WIFE: Don’t do anything stupid. OTHER ME: Like what?
@ArenaFlowers: If video games actually influenced behaviour you'd see a lot more people accidentally jumping in the air when they try to open doors.