@weenbeans: I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.
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@Tmoney68: If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I'd go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
@meganamram: Just heard about this teacher who had sex with his student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school
@mlinhart: Dear fork, I just wanted to inform you that you have a son. His name is Spork. Love always, Spoon PS: he has your hair.
@tangledteatime: Me: Am I your only friend? Imaginary friend: Sure are! Imaginary friend's imaginary friend: Wow, I'm right here.