@weenbeans: I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.
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@Godhatespants: Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What??? Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter
@Kimgee8: Relationship status: the doorbell rings, my heart is pounding, it's the pizza delivery guy. Three-cheese, double toppings, thick crust.
@batkaren: LITTLE MERMAID 2016: SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!! ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*