@juliussharpe: I'll vote for whichever candidate promises to get rid of banner ads that move when you scroll down.
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@scorpicpanda: *gets ponytail caught in elevator door *hands phone to stranger "Hey, could you get a shot of this for me?"
@vikkaroni: Just once I'd like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do... Without being dragged out being told, "Ma'am, you're not the bride..."
@_NTFG_: DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years
@marlespo: My 8 yr old just asked me how the first microchip was built at the exact time I was wondering what other animals got sweaty armpits.