@causticbob: Illegal immigration is not a new problem. Native Americans used to call it "White People"
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@thatUPSdude: 50 Cent has filed for bankruptcy, he will now be known as 50. Story is he doesn't have a cent to his name. *drops the mic walks away*
@pinupteacher: Hey baby, lemme see what's under that shell. Ugh, as if. *Lady turtle starts walking away.* [3 hours later] I still see you there baby.
@AmishPornStar1: Life Tip: If you're ever attacked by a shark, compliment his smile. Sharks are very vain and susceptible to flattery.
@thenatewolf: Women are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it’s a bad birthday present.